Leave the Learned

What I want from my relationships is changing. Call it the new age feminist bimbofication, but I crave having an empty head and having people expect zilch from me. It’s so much easier to act dumb, to have no one think I know what’s going on. I want to sit here and look hot and have fun and not care about saying anything profound ever again. 

When I first started dating, I viewed things very differently. I thought I wanted someone I could have intelligent conversations with, who could teach me something I didn’t know already. I wanted them to be impressed by me, to see how I was different from other girls. Oh, how I was wrong. Everything becomes a discussion, a serious conversation. Every little nuance dissected. You can feel them waiting for you to slip so they can pounce and assert their dominance. I used to want to beat the game, to prove I was worthy. The way men talk and respect each other: I wanted that too. But sexism cannot be beat. Your partner can be the most “pro-choice BLM ACAB feminist he/him supporter ally” but still be a sexist. Maybe even a little racist too. 

Especially in higher education. There is this sense of elitism that is unmatched by any other group of people. There are a lot of highly educated people who think they are better/smarter/more qualified than people without the same education as them. They may even see engaging in conversation as a waste of time. 

I know this comes off as an extreme oversimplification, and perhaps a prejudice of my own, but it is something I have experienced too many times to just consider coincidence anymore. The air they give off is intoxicating yet addictive. They look down on everyone. They look down on you. You are at the end of their nose. And you want to prove them wrong so bad.

Then I had the realization: why am I, a hot person, letting someone make me feel stupid? It really doesn’t make sense? What was I doing? No one is keeping score of how many guys think you are smart and impressive. No one cares. It’s better to spend your time having fun because without fail you will look back and realize you were wasting your time. 

I want to find a little bimbo of my own. I want to sit on the couch and stare into each other’s doe-eyes, like staring at the stars. You just stare and don’t say a word, but you are happy. Then maybe someone says something stupid, and you laugh together, then keep staring.

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