Books I’ve Read pt 2
Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame Free Sex
Please read this book. Literally everyone needs to read it. No matter what you are looking for, your relationship status, sexuality, all of it. If you are someone who is having sex, or wants to be having sex, you need to read this book. Getting It covers the basics that need to be reaffirmed. There is no harm in having a refresher course on flirting and consent, or even learning about it in the first place. There is not one sexually active person who would not benefit from it.
The problem with a lot of “self help” books is that they come off as presumptuous and that they are showing us the right way, that we have been wrong all our lives. Getting It opens up with an invitation that you can completely disregard everything that doesn't resonate with you. You could get to the end of it and be “that was stupid”, and thats totally fine. It may not be useful advice for you, but hopefully it can give you perspective on other peoples experiences, or even expectations. Maybe you will find out about something you have never thought of before.
One of my favorite sections is where Moon covers the idea of creepiness. I have dealt with a lot of creeps in my time, I'm sure a lot of us have, but after a while it just feels like everyone is a creep, and I know they aren't! It's so frustrating to get creeped out even when I know they probably aren't a creep, but just totally unaware of what they are saying. Their negligence is almost more unattractive than their creepiness. But when it comes to someone setting off alarms, there is no going back. At least for myself, there is no way for me to go back after I've been freaked out. They could even apologize and be like “sorry bad joke”, but the damage is done. I think if more people could take the time to figure out how they are possibly being perceived, it would help a lot in the long run.
In every chapter, what is constantly reinforced is we need to know what we want. Every aspect of dating (meeting people, hookups, sex, relationships) comes back to knowing what you want. Or if you don't know what you want, be honest about it. All parties involved benefit from clear communication of desires and of boundaries. If you need help figuring that out too, this book can help. Most chapters have exercises that force you to see how you feel about a field of topics, and assess how you react.
You may even like this book as a suggestion to a friend or partner. It can be hard to talk about sex with your friends and partners, and we should be thanking them for speaking up. Even if they don't feel comfortable discussing things further with you, being able to suggest something is a way of helping without needing them to be vulnerable. Or maybe you are in a relationship, and you want to read the book together, like a mini book club. Seeing how your partner feels about these topics can be a good way to test compatibility. For whatever reason you want, READ THIS BOOK!
If you wont take the time to read it, if books aren’t your thing, i will leave you with this quote that can never fault you:
“Follow love. Trust your inner sense of rightness. You get to choose how you show up for every relationship that presents itself. You’ll likely be best served by following a choice that leads to more love, not less. If you head toward rightness and love, you’ll likely make the right steps, or at least you’ll be able to tell where the right steps are.”
