Managing Connections

Not all connections need to be humored with a relationship. I think we often confuse a connection with compatibility, when in fact they are 2 separate things. A connection cannot be quantified, it's something you feel in the air. The whole point of it is that you can't really put your finger on it (idk what it is about him, but i just really like him!). Whereas compatibility is very much a listable quality (we are looking for the same thing, our lifestyles work together, we have practice the same religion, etc). 

But that can be hard, especially if you rarely connect with people. You may want to jump on the first person you have a connection with for the romance of it all. You may be flustered since it's an emotion you aren't used to. Maybe you still don't understand the difference. 

If you are looking to improve your sex life and future relationships, it might be best to reevaluate how you choose your partners. This is very much a generalization, but i have noticed that this is a common formula to how people are choosing partners:

Good looking -> hook up

Connection -> relationship

Compatibility -> what do you mean? We have a connection?

There is nothing innately wrong with this, but it can be emotionally exhausting to go through the complexities of a relationship just to see if you are compatible or not. A lot of people break up because they realize they want different things out of their life; wouldn't it have been easier if we made that clear from the jump? Try pushing everything back by one step:

Good looking -> lets talk

Connection -> hook up

Compatibility -> relationship

I almost want to put a dotted line between connection and compatibility because my point here is that a relationship should not be the focus or the end goal. Stop seeking out a relationship, it's unnatural. It's like staring at the sidewalk looking for loose change, when you should keep walking and wait till that penny catches your eye. Go on dates, make connections, enjoy those connections, but don't run into a relationship. You are allowed to enjoy people without needing to lock them down in your life. A partnership is a sacred thing, and I think a lot of people take it much too lightly. 

If you want boyfriends and girlfriends go right ahead, just be honest with yourself. You don't have to know a person that well to get an idea of whether or not you could spend your life with them. Actually sit by yourself and think about it. From a woman's perspective, we have been told that we are crazy for thinking way into the future, but why is that so crazy? Is it too soon to discuss it with one another, yes absolutely, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be thinking about it at all. For example, do NOT discuss baby names and what flavor of wedding cake you want, but DO pick up on the information they are providing for you to see if they fit in your life. 

Spend time making sure that you are solid on what you want, and act accordingly. Be honest with yourself and your partners. We should be expressing who we are instead of saying/doing something with a goal in mind. You just want sex? You want a relationship? Don't try and get that from someone, instead find someone who wants the same things from you.